There are many different ways of making polite requests, suggestions, and statements in German. To be polite in German, you can use:
formal address, titles and informal address depending on the situation
modal verbs like können(can, to be able to)
subjunctive forms like könnte(could)
indirect questions (rather than direct ones)
polite phrases—such as bitte(please) and danke(thank you)
polite gestures, like a handshake
Let’s take a look at this very polite sentence:
Frau Dr. Schneider, könnten Sie mir unter Umständen sagen, wann ihre Sprechstunde ist, bitte?
Dr. Schneider, could you possibly tell me when your office hours are, please?
Now, in real life, we might not always want to use the whole arsenal—if we did that, it might even be misunderstood as sarcasm! Let’s take a closer look at all the different elements that can make a statement polite and learn when and how to use them for the best (and most polite) effect!
In German, “formal address” is a way of speaking to someone formally, while “informal address” is a way to speak to someone informally. But what are the linguistic differences between the two, and how can you tell which one you should use? Let’s have a look!
In German “formal address” is used when you are speaking to someone formally. When you use formal address, you’re using…
the personal pronoun Sie(you-formal):
Können Sie bitte kommen und Ihren Laptop mitbringen?
Could you come, please, and bring your laptop?
titles like Herr(Mr.), Frau(Ms.) in combination with the last name:
Herr Schneider, ich wünsche Ihnen eine gute Reise!
Mr. Schneider, I wish you a great journey!
professional titles (in combination with address forms):
Frau Professor Dr. Breitenstein, das ist mein Mann, Sebastian Schneider.
Professor Breitenstein, this is my husband, Sebastian Schneider.
lit. Ms. Professor Dr. Breitenstein, this is my husband, Sebastian Schneider.
In German, you will often hear a person introduced with all their titles at once! Doing this is usually a safe bet when you’re speaking quite formally.
When talking to someone you know better, customs are a little more relaxed and you can probably just use one title — the highest one.
However, you should always be sensitive to their personal wishes. People will tell you if they feel the title is not necessary and in that case it is perfectly fine to leave it off.
When using formal address, you’ll also generally avoid using very colloquial phrases:
✅Frau Dr. Burgheimer, wie geht es Ihnen? Wann fahren Sie zu Ihrer Konferenz?
Dr. Burgheimer, how are you? When do you leave for your conference?
❌He, Frau Burgheimer, alles klar? Wann geht’s denn los zu Ihrem Dingsda?
Hey, Ms. Burgheimer, what’s up? When are you gonna leave for your thing?
In German, “informal address” is used to speak to someone in an informal way. When using informal address you’ll want to use…
the personal pronouns du(you, sg.) and ihr(you, pl.), in their various forms:
Könnt ihr mal kommen und den Kuchen herbringen, bitte?
Could you guys come and bring the cake over, please?
first names or nicknames:
Anna, wie geht’s? Wann fährst du denn nach Mannheim?
Anna, how are you? When are you going to Mannheim?
more colloquial, informal language, and more contractions (the less formal, the more contractions are used):
Du, Jakob, willste morgen ins Kino oder haste kein Geld?
Hey, Jakob, you wanna go to the movies tomorrow or are ya out of cash?
Aren’t contractions cool? Use them in the right situation and they can make your German sound just right! Check out this list of common German contractions to see some more!
Broadly speaking, we use formal address when speaking formally or to a superior, and we use informal address when speaking informally or to an inferior. But what qualifies as “formal”? What makes someone a “superior”? Check out the table below for some tips!
Situations for formal address | Situations for informal address |
|---|---|
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Now, in the table we mention that you might be asked or told to use informal address instead of formal address. How would that happen?
For German speakers, that can involve a whole little quasi-ritual called das Du anbieten( to offer the du) or duzen(to say du). This will commonly happen when an acquaintance is turning into a friend, or when two colleagues have worked together for long enough that things don’t need to be so formal. You might hear phrases like the ones below.
Wollen wir uns duzen? Ich bin Max.
Do you want to use the du? I am Max.
Wir können auch ‘du’ sagen! Ich bin Lena.
We can also just use the ‘du.’ I am Lena.
In the workplace, the higher-ranking or more senior colleague should offer to use the informal address first, but among acquaintances there is no such stipulation.
It is always important to take the specific company culture into account: in a younger start-up, more “English-speaking” customs might be adopted and du and first names might be used throughout, even with your supervisor. Listen and observe and don’t forget: It’s never wrong to ask if you are unsure what to do!
There are some regional differences with regard to formal and informal address:
In the city of Hamburg, Germany, people might use the so-called “Hamburger Sie,” which means that they will use Sie but also use someone’s first name.
Elsa, haben Sie die Briefe schon verschickt?
Elsa, have you already sent the letters?
At the opposite end of the country, in München(Munich), people might use the “Münchner du” instead. You guessed it: it’s using the pronoun du with someone's last name — sometimes even without the address form or title!
(Herr) Huber, hast du heute schon Zeitung gelesen?
(Mr) Huber, have you already read the paper today?
In German, we use modal verbsNo definition set for modal verbsLorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. to help make our requests and suggestions sound more polite and less like demands. It’s just like how, in English, “May I have a cookie?” sounds a lot more polite than “I want a cookie!”
The German modal verbs können(can, to be able to), dürfen(may, to be allowed to), and sollen(should, to be supposed to) are the ones most frequently used this way. These modal verbs are considered polite, because using them implies that one needs permission from the listener and that it is not obvious that a request is fulfilled or a suggestion honored. Can you take a look at the examples, please?
Kann ich mit euch Fußball spielen?
Can I play soccer with you?
Dürfen wir morgen ins Schwimmbad gehen?
May we go to the pool tomorrow?
Soll er dir morgen helfen?
Should he help you tomorrow?
Pair these modals with the German equivalents of “please” and “thank you” (see below!) to achieve a basic level of politeness! Use these modal verbs for your requests and suggestions when talking casually, e.g. in a situation with friends, family or acquaintances where no special politeness is required.
If you want to be both polite and formal, you’ll probably want to use the subjunctive as well!
In German, we often use the subjunctive II forms of verbs, especially modal verbs, to make a polite request a little more formally.
The subjunctive II is a verb form that we use to imply that a situation is hypothetical, so using it in a request, suggestion, or similar statement leaves more of an opening for the person being addressed to turn you down. For example:
Ich möchte Schokolade essen!
I would like to eat chocolate!
The other modal verbs (können, dürfen, sollen and müssen) are also frequently used in the subjunctive II to make a statement very polite — using these other modal verbs in the subjunctive II implies a level of politeness beyond the casual. Compare:
Könnten Sie mir helfen?
Could you help me?
Dürfte ich Ihnen meinen Mann vorstellen?
Might I introduce my husband to you?
Sollten wir vielleicht morgen wieder miteinander sprechen?
Should we perhaps talk to each other again tomorrow?
Müssten wir das vielleicht noch einmal wiederholen?
Would we perhaps have to repeat that one more time?
Other verbs are also often used in the subjunctive to make requests and suggestions more polite formal as well. Here are some common examples:
Ginge es, wenn wir morgen vorbeikämen?
Would it work, if we stopped by tomorrow?
lit. Would it go, if we came by tomorrow?
Wäre es vielleicht besser, wenn wir gleich nach Hause fahren würden?
Would it be better perhaps, if we went straight home?
You’ll often see these kinds of words accompany polite requests in German:
vielleicht
perhaps, maybe
möglicherweise
possibly
freundlicherweise, netterweise
kindly
unter Umständen
possibly, but more formal
For example:
Dürfte ich Sie unter Umständen bitten, das Fenster zu öffnen?
Might I possibly ask you to open the window?
In German, we often use indirect requests as a way to be more polite. In an indirect request, you are literally asking a question like “would you mind…?” or “could you tell me…?” but you are really requesting some action from another person. This should be pretty familiar to you already, since you do it in English a lot!
We do this especially often when we’re requesting information from someone, as it’s more polite than asking a direct question. Compare:
Wo ist der Marktplatz?
Where is the market square?
Könnten Sie mir sagen, wo der Marktplatz ist?
Could you tell me where the market square is?
Indirect sounds more polite, doesn’t it? Indirect questions are fairly common when you need to ask for information from a stranger — a must for the polite traveler!
In German, such indirect questions often start with an introductory phrase that contains a modal verb or a verb in the subjunctive II.
In German, bitte means “please” and danke means “thank you.” Just like in English, you might hear these called the Zauberworte(magic words)!
The word bitte can actually be used three ways:
when you request something, like “please”
when you are fulfilling a request, like “here you go”
when answering to a thanks, like “you are welcome”
You can see all three uses in the exchange below!
Kann ich bitte das Salz haben?
Can I please have the salt?
Natürlich. Bitte, da ist es!
Of course. Here you go, there it is!
Danke!
Thank you!
Natürlich. Bitte, da ist es!
Of course. Here you go, there it is!
Bitte is a politeness supertalent!
Bitte and danke are the most basic forms of “please” and “thank you” but there are variations, as well, that are more formal and more emphatic, for example:
bitteschön
here you go, pretty please
bitte sehr
here you go
dankeschön
thank you
danke sehr
thank you
vielen Dank
many thanks
Herzlichen Dank!
Heartfelt thanks!
Another area where politeness plays a big role are greetings and farewells. Here are some formal and casual options:
Formal greetings | Casual greetings |
|---|---|
Guten Morgen! Good morning! | Morgen! |
Guten Tag! Hello! lit. Good day! | Hallo! Hi! |
Formal farewells | Casual farewells |
|---|---|
Guten Morgen! Good morning! | Morgen! |
Guten Tag! Hello! lit. Good day! | Tschüs! Bye! lit. Cheers! |
Please note, though, that it is always fine (and pretty common) to use the more formal greetings in less formal situations, but not the other way around.
Here are some appropriate greetings and closing to use in writing, like letters and emails. Take a look at these phrases to help you write at your most polite.
Formal openings (with full names & titles) | Casual openings (with first names) |
|---|---|
Sehr geehrter Herr… Dear Mr. … lit. Very honored Mr. … | Liebe/r … Dear... |
Sehr geehrte Frau … Dear Ms. lit. Very honored Ms. … |
Formal closings (with full names & titles) | Casual closings (with first names) |
|---|---|
Mit freundlichen Grüßen, Ihr/e …! Sincerely, ... | Herzliche Grüße, dein/e … Heartfelt regards, your… lit. Morning! |
Viele Grüße, Ihr/e … Sincerely, … | Liebe Grüße, dein/e… Heartfelt regards, your… lit. Morning! |
Last but not least, let’s quickly look at some politeness do’s and don’ts. Not all of these have to do with language, but they are often just as important:
handshakes and other physical greetings
When they first make your acquaintance or even when they just greet you, Germans may expect a handshake. Not too firm, not too soft, always with your right hand, preferably with eye contact. The younger your counterpart and the more casual the situation, though, the less likely it is that a handshake is used. Younger Germans might also hug in informal situations among friends.
being direct
Germans can, in general, seem more direct than Americans. For example, they might offer their opinion on things without asking, favorable or not. Don’t be taken aback — it’s not meant impolitely, it’s just a cultural difference.
Germans and small talk
There is a common stereotype: Germans don’t do small-talk. Like all stereotypes, it has a kernel of truth, but is mostly a gross exaggeration. Germans might choose slightly different topics for their small-talk, but they small-talk nonetheless. Be ready to talk about your work, vacation, or your new apartment, but you might want to avoid overly personal or potentially difficult topics such as religion, health or money. Keep in mind, though, that many Germans are broadly more willing to share about these more difficult topics than Americans are, even with relative strangers and that might include sharing their opinions on world politics!
Politeness strategies
Use as many of the strategies in the sections above and combine them at leisure, but don’t overdo it, so that you don’t come across as ironically rather than sincerely polite.
Here are the big takeaways about how to be polite in German:
Use formal address (e.g. Sie) to address a superior or in a formal situation, use informal address (e.g. du and ihr) with friends or inferiors.
To make requests and suggestions sound less like demands you can:
Use modal verbs (in casual contexts)
Use the subjunctive II (a bit more formal)
Make an indirect request (e.g. “Can you tell me…?)
Don’t forget to say bitte(please) and danke(thank you)!
Want to try out being polite yourself? Check out our German polite language exercises!
